Name: Crumpet Cafe
Suburb: Coogee
Style: Dine in – Take away - Catering
Over All Rating: Nom
Key
Average: Nom
Good: Nom Nom
Very Good: Omn Nom Nom
Food Recommendation: Question – How many ways can you prepare a crumpet? Answer – According to crumpet café, 9! Including the “Brazilian Crumpet” topped with mango and ricotta, the “High Maintenance Crumpet” with salmon and fish roe. I went for the “Thinking Mans Crumpet”, basically your classic eggs Benedict served on top of a toasted crumpet. Although, a bit offensive to call it a “Thinking Man” portion wise I don’t see it filling many men I know plus, what does thinking or manhood have to do with poached eggs, and hollandaise sauce? “If this café was doing a theology degree, it would miss marks for not using gender inclusive language.” Says Scrambled
In addition to that, my well trained palette instantly identified the store bought hollandaise sauce and brut coffee. They also were really stingy on ingredient, the was nothing “big” or “fat” about the “My Big Fat Greek Crumpet” and for $13.50 a bit disappointing like the over all experience.
Atmosphere: We were welcomed by dirty dishes on the counter, so not the most appetizing way to start my breakfast. The décor is a bit random. It has a beachy vibe but then there also a picture of James Dean on the wall and mix matched textiles…It was also really understaffed. There was one girl who did the orders, cooked and made coffee. It was a bit dirty and disorganized for my taste.
Intelligence ratio: 1/5 (and that one was me and my computer)
Number of people with book, glasses, newspaper / total number of people
Attractiveness of people: I give it one point for the picture of James Dean another point for my companion “Scrambled.” So an unfortunate 2 out of 10 for attractiveness of people.
Likelihood of picking up a date: Close to none, better luck heading down a block to Coogee Beach
Bounce Rate: This café gets a big A for effort but loses marks for lack of cleanliness and genter inclusive language. Crumpet Cafe could take a few tips from the other Coogge cafes if they want to improve their business and build a stronger cliental. If in the area and carving a creative crumpet then I may stop it, but its nothing to go out of your way for.
